Good morning all. A friend of mine shared this video down at the bottom and I’ve only listened to a little. I would recommend it if you’re drawn to it. The first 5 minutes makes some good points and that’s why I’ve shared.

I was open with someone recently and shared that I was feeling stressed (I’ve been going through a growth period).  And he questioned, “why?  What are you feeling stressed for?” And he carried on and said, “You’re always telling everybody how happy you are and how great your life is.  It’s like you’re always trying to convince everyone else.”  He continued on and I was left with the impression that he believed I was lying about being happy in order to impress others and to convince myself.  The conversation came up again later that evening and he said that I am always talking about myself (something I have noticed I often do too and have had a desire to change, and also accept).  He told me that people don’t find me interesting because they know all of my business and that I am always talking and droning on about myself.  And he furthered that people find him more interesting because he doesn’t reveal anything and therefore is a mystery.

As I drove home, the thought hit me:  “it’s fear of needing anybody.”  Because the situation was very specific and it had to do with the online conversation place he observes that aspect of my life in.  And what I realised like a lightbulb switched on, is that the reason I’ve shared so much in that group sometimes was because of him.  Because I had placed so much significance on him and was in some way wanting to steer drive, attract, manage or control the outcome.  Then I would counteract my fear of feeling a need to be open and honest and accept I might need him, or any man in my life, due to all the mixed signals and messages I have received over a lifetime and through all of the results of all my past attractions and relationship failures.

Let’s face it… I have a fear of getting hurt, just as most of us do.  So then we are at war with ourselves internally and with life.  And a fear of getting hurt, especially in love relationships, can make us do some weird as heck stuff and even forget who we are!  We pull people close, push people away, act flamboyant, outrageous and loud or we even go quiet, withhold, draw back, run away and all manner of things.  So what I did was rather than communicate with him sincerely and directly (which I tried my best to do and as a result have grown in my ability), I would big up and broaden it out to not need him or any ‘One’ person and just share the love out loud with everyone.  And I also very  egocentricly, would embed veiled messages toward him, possibly even when I didn’t mean to… Because I also noticed that even when I didn’t do that, they still had messages hidden that could have been appearing aimed in his direction. ‘I was inauthentic and non-congruent.’  That’s not what I am usually like, what happened to me?

Oiy vey!  What mess have I gotten myself into?

Well as I go through life, I witness and I experience things, get to know and understand myself, observe others…  I begin to see how we are all the same, fundamentally and with some differences.

Acceptance of the stress and the dark parts of life helps because we always have day and night, it’s never just one or the other.  And I am much more complex than any one thing. I notice that I can be one end of the pole and the complete opposite, both at the same time.  I also know that I am not alone, nothing I think, say or do is private, that we are all connected and fundamentally all One.  I live my life like this, with the duality because I previously lived it the other way, unsuccessfully.  I do my best to live life and take care of me, because me is my vessel and my experience in this life.  But there is no me, because I am a part of everything and so awareness is high that I am “We.”

So as I go throughout my life, I do my best to be happy, healthy, in tune, treat people as I would want them to treat me and rinse and repeat.  And I pay attention, investigate and get to know me…

See, when I look at the world and human behaviour, perspective and consciousness, I relate that to the two way mirror at the police station. When a person is unconscious, they look through the glass in a dark room for somebody to blame.  When a person is conscious, then they look through the glass with the light inside on for some other version of the self to serve and are therefore transparent with nothing to hide.

So for me, life is a continual transformational journey to get to “Know Thyself” and the journey is well worth making.  My life has changed since I have accepted the call and undertaken the quest.  For a long time I pretty much tried to do it halfway, trying to keep the parts of my life I’m not proud of hidden away and holding back and most painfully, trying to be right.  But you can’t do things partly, because then that leaves us split in two… The darkness and the light. Split, divided and judged or judging.

And like India Arie sings in “Break the Shell,” we cannot protect ourselves by hiding inside to avoid being hurt and people finding out about and glimpsing our darkness, because that is living a lie.  The only way to truly live and be alive is to break the mould and step wholeheartedly and completely outside.  For it is only in the attempt to avoid pain and hide that we create and experience the pain of suffering.  For the pain of life is normal and a part of the changing tide… Stop it from passing through us and it blocks our ability to experience of the joys of life.

We are not the darkness OR the light and to believe so is to be incomplete.  And THIS is the paradox of all human life… For we are the whole.  And when we embrace, embody and appreciate them both, then we are balanced in both Yin & Yang, alive and balanced in the dance of life, we are in flow.  So we can choose to be our whole self and stay conscious so that we never feel overwhelmed by the need to hide and protect ourselves from the pain of life overshadow our awareness again.

So while at that time as afore mentioned, I did what I did out of the ego, having let myself slip into the unconscious… I usually do what I do out of a sense of unity, care, connectedness, support and a lack of fear making me hide. Same actions, different reasons.  And it sure is nice being and becoming more aware of what motivates me.  I am not the ego, I am the awareness of consciousness within.

So…

I challenge you to join me.

In Trust that we are Safe to be Genuine and Real and Love without Conditions.

To be at Peace with WE is to be fully at Peace with ALL of me.

Tremaria X

As always, take what resonates, uplifts, enlightens and let go of the rest.

The video as mentioned above.