So well, wow… where do I even start.  I have had so many things popping in my mind today and connections firing off and being made left right and centre and here,  I thought that I had been failing!

I have been trying so hard for so long and I was really struggling with moments of bliss. Something seemed to be missing, a final piece.  I’ve totally ruined the one relationship that meant the most to me and then came to the realisation that all of my most important relationships are failing.  Ouch!  That got me to down feeling.  Sadness.  And I kept on, knowing that I had done my best and that I didn’t know what I had been missing.  I asked the important question:  what is it that I am missing?  What do I need to do to become the person whom I seek to be?  Who do I have to become in order to have my dream?  What does my life need to look like to be a match to my dream?  What changes do I need to make?

It was bittersweet.  I knew how far I had come and how far I have in front of me…

The answer lie within my mind.  Literally a lot of my problems, well all probably… were due to mismanagement of my mind.  Faulty programming!  All of the viruses and self sabotaging beliefs, behavioural patterns, everything.  This is what I have been changing and this is what I have revealed more empowerment to learn about and utilise:  my brain and my mind.  My operating system.

My life used to be hopeless and something like a decline.  I never even did manage to accomplish the basics that everyone else manages too enough to survive, other than in patches.  But I never had any real or long term success, until…

From Mindvalley founder Vishen Lakhiani

One day I had a dream.  Or should I say that a dream had me?  I started to believe.  And from that moment my life began to totally change.  Why?  Because I said YES!  And I was willing. Then I got lost along the way.  Then I found myself again and resumed my heart centred journey, my steps to the top of the mountain to reach the peak.  Man I love it when I have my dream, I love it because when my dream and my goal inspire me then I am resilient!  And that falling on my butt and bouncing back up again because my goal is more important than apathy, is well and truly flipping amazing!

So here I am, failing forwards.  And I love the visuals of Vishen Lakhiani, because he highlighted what I know and what has served me.  This way of DreamBuilding from my higher self and from the inside out, is amazing!  Because eventually when you fall down enough times it just doesn’t hurt the same.  It’s like torn muscles at the gym from weight training and you begin to love and cherish the burn because that means that it is working!

The road to success visual by Vishen Lakhiani

With the realisation of how far I have to go, it was almost as if for a brief moment I had forgotten where I have been.  And I remembered, I have come a long long way!  While there is a sense of success and achievement, there is within a sense of failure and not good enoughness.  Within the sense of joy and bliss, there is a sense of apathy and pain.  Within the sense of goodness and beauty, there is a sense of badness and repulsion… and oh my gosh wow!  To feel everything simultaneously and to be okay… well not just okay, but amazing.

This is balance. Yin and Yang.  Darkness and Light.  Perfection and imperfection.

This is Heaven on Earth.

And for once I don’t want to change anything.  I just want to keep stepping one foot in front of the other, moving forward, showing up…  Being Me.  Letting the world be what it is going to be and living, speaking and embodying my truth and just appreciating the whole wonderful, awesome and amazing thing called life.

It’s all come together as I have been revisiting and listening to Mary Morrissey and the webcast promoting the DreamBuilder program I invested in nearly a year ago.  I was thinking, my life hasn’t become what I wanted it to and I believed that I could achieve when I signed up for it, but Mary and her associates always have something meaningful and enlightening to say.  As she says repeatedly, “it’s not the achievement and fulfilment of the dream, but it’s about who you become in the process.”  And I have certainly become something.  There is still some hope for me yet.

So continue on with me and I will share you some of the things that I have learned.  And along the way…

Namaste

Peace and Love

Tremaria x